Turtles all the way down

I have a rule. Or rather, a policy; If a couple of people that I trust (independent of each other) recommend or mention something to me, I should at least look into it. It can be reading a book, trying a sport or looking into a blind spot that I might have in my personal life. I've heard a lot of people talking about the importance of good sleep over the past couple of weeks. For being able to make good decisions,  emotional well-being, live longer or just grow muscle, sleep seems to be a big underlying factor. I've known this from personal experience for quite some time, as I am someone who at quite a young age realized I was sensitive to not getting 8 hours. But I didn't really had a good way to quantify it. So I recently decided to gamify sleep and get a fitness tracker. One of those bands you have on your arm that basically tracks heart rate and can spit out lots of cool info about if you should take it easy or go hard that day.  I have to admit super excited about this...

I was sitting with a friend in a his apartment. I was there to dig through a big life decision I was facing and had (in addition with the support of my close friend) a wile earlier ingested a healthy dose of MDMA to assist me in my process. After what I assume was a somewhat long rant by me, my friend looked at me and said: "You seem like you're in your head about this, would you like to roll a bit?"  'Rolling' is what sparring is called in Brazilian jiu jitsu (BJJ). I could write pages and pages about BJJ, but for the sake of staying on topic here I will just say that it's a martial art that focuses on the ground game and is highly practical and technical. While we were rolling around on the floor and having lots of fun in my heightened state of awareness it suddenly hit me; I was just having fun, feeling free and rolling with him as a friend. I didn't see him as my opponent. The next realization came as quickly as the first; I had been seeing the person ...

I like optimizing things. I find enjoyment in slowly and steadily chipping away at a problem, knowing that I'm getting closer and closer to some end point. A point at which all will be good, no problems will exist (in that area of my life) and I can finally relax and just execute without any friction. This trait is one that has served me very well over my career as a professional poker player. Making things into a game with an end point where you can actually "win". However, I've noticed recently that it can be a big hindrance to overcome when it comes to actually getting stuff done. I started studying psychology at university after 6 years outside of academia, and have therefore been forced to face the ugly truth about some of my study habits. I wasn't learning information at the pace I was hoping, and it was stressing me out. "Do I have ADHD, do I just learn slower than other people or am I just doomed for a life of suffering as long as I'm in school?...